I sit here, thinking. Overwhelmed with all the thoughts pooring in and out of my head. Too many times over contemplating my purpose and what it is I am supposed to do next or supposed to be doing right now. Which path do I take? Surrendering my heart one minute to God, totally trusting that I am exactly where he wants me to be right now, to the next minute, letting the enemy take over my thoughts; casting doubt and worry into my thoughts….making me feel like I have to be in control and make all the decisions. Anxious.
Surrender. This word keeps popping into my head. Surrender.
How free I feel when I am trusting and completely leaning into God.
How anxious I feel when I don’t.
Well then, what is my purpose? What is my legacy? What will I be leaving behind?
Maybe this anxiety is only present when I am wanting things for myself.
When I am trusting in God’s timing, I don’t have to feel less than for not reaching certain goals soon enough, or not making enough money, or all of the things that suck out the pure creative spirit inside of me. What am I really creating for then? I don’t want to create for money, but I want to provide for my family. I don’t want to create for fame, but I do want enough audience to be able to keep creating. But why do I doubt so much? When in my life has God not allowed me to use my creative gifts? And, why be so concerned with being able to use them if I am not using them to glorify God?
What are my motivations for creating?
Daily checking of self is needed.
When I am creating for Jesus, I no longer have to use my work as a means of saving myself. The gospel frees me to create for the pure joy of creating. I long to feel and know this deeply, every minute of every day.
When I think on my legacy and what that looks like, I’d like my legacy to express the vision of changing the current culture and creating a new culture of people owning who they are, their true selves, and loving yourself where you are right now. Encouraging people that it’s okay and in fact so beautiful to be yourself. My hope is my legacy will show that this mindset comes from God and that keeping Christ at the center of our lives produces happiness, peace, and blessing, as I surrender to Christ each day. My legacy is about being yourself. The true you that God made each of us to be. God’s masterpieces.
My legacy will be passed down through people. My legacy will not be my name, what I look like, the number of followers I gained, how ‘big’ my brand got, or how well-known I became, but instead my legacy will be found in the hearts of others.
This blog post is also my re-commitment and promise to you all, to do my best everyday and to daily surrender my brand to God and serving others.
I don’t want my legacy to be for me. When it’s not for me, I’m free.